Legacy
by WriterJC
Summary: Chakotay has some residual effects from his link to the Borg


----------------------------- | LEGACY | ----------------------------- by Jackee C. 

// denotes a dream sequence * 

"What do you think, Captain?!" Chakotay yelled to be heard over the howling winds of an impending storm. Thick gray clouds rolled overhead, adding to the frantic dance of nature as leaves and bits of debris whipped up and around the two humans standing on a rugged outcropping. 

"It's glorious!" Janeway laughed up into the building furor, bits of reddish leaves tangling in her hair. "How much longer?" 

Chakotay had to brush away a patch of damp leaves to read the tricorder's display. "1 minute, 17 seconds," he yelled back. "Time to leave!" 

"No, just a few seconds more," Kathryn caught his arm, her eyes dancing excitedly, wild - wild like the elements. "We've finally got an interesting weather anomaly that *isn't* interfering with our instruments! I want to enjoy it while we can!" 

Chakotay smiled down at her as the winds buffeted their uniforms. She'd been this way since they'd landed on this planet. The rest of the crew had taken shoreleave in the more tropical regions. But not Kathryn, she headed directly for the storm ravaged eastern section of the planet. Even when B'Elanna had grown tired of the geological anomalies, Kathryn had remained. She'd even named the tornado that returned precisely every 2 hours 13 minutes and 3 seconds, 'Old Faithful'. Not the most original, he admitted, but definitely apt. 

Placing a hand on the one that still touched his arm, he moved to speak, but she pulled away and pointed toward the clouds. 

"There it is!" She took a step nearer the edge of the bluff, closer to the clouds, now forming the familiar swirling pattern that would lead to the giant funnel that would hover above the very spot in which they were standing for several minutes before dissipating and beginning the cycle again. 

"Kathryn!" Chakotay called her name as the timer on the tricorder counted downward. 47 seconds. 46, 45, 44... 

She held up a hand to assure him that she was aware of the passing of time as she gazed intently into the growing funnel. The huge arcing swirls were picking up speed, awesome in their power. 

"Kathryn!" Chakotay called again, the wind now catching the name away from his lips. 30, 29, 28... "Kathryn!" he yelled again, fighting the winds to step up even to her. Though they could predict precisely when the tornado would touch down, that didn't mean it wouldn't be fatal to be in its path when it did. 

"Okay, I'm ready!" she turned toward him, just as he came up even to her. She pretend not to notice the aggravated expression on his face as they ran for the shuttle. 

When they were safely inside, she laughed aloud. "That was exhilarating!" 

"I'm sure it was," Chakotay commented dryly. "But that doesn't mean you have to risk your life, Captain. The entire sequence is due to be programmed into the holodeck before the week is out." 

"I know, Chakotay," she laid her head back against the seat and turned to him, utterly unconscious of her beauty as her hair lay in a disarray beneath her. "But there's something *wild* about actually being there - something that just calls to me." 

Chakotay smiled at her, unable to stay upset when she was obviously so happy. It was good to see her happy after the past few months. "I know what you mean. It was a bit of a "rush", wasn't it?" 

"Ummm," Kathryn agreed. "I almost hate to leave it behind..." her voice trailed off as she watched the planet fall away below as the little shuttle craft speed toward the ship that orbited far above the glowing blue and green orb. 

Chakotay just watched her. He saw the change from 'Kathryn-at-one-with-the- elements' to Captain Kathryn. 

"What was the status on the away teams?" she asked, voice now more firm, less wistful. She was even unconsciously straightening her hair. 

"We're the last. All other members onboard and accounted for." Chakotay had learned to slip into his routine as well. But in his mind, the image of 'Kathryn-at-one-with-the-elements' remained for further study. 

Kathryn Janeway sat in a corner of the dining hall studying the tricorder data from "Old Faithful" as she consumed one of Neelix's more pleasurable dishes. The way the patterns of "Old Faithful" played across the tricorder made it seem more like wind song than something as simple as currents and weather fronts. 

"Mind if I join you?" an unexpected voice spoke over her shoulder. 

She looked up to find Chakotay's smiling face. He held a tray bearing a similar dish to the one she'd selected along with a lumpy yellowish fruit. "My best advice - leave the gumbala fruit. I had a rather nasty run-in with it at breakfast," she smiled, clearing away a few PADDs so that he'd have a place to set his tray. 

"Guess that explains why there were so many of them left," Chakotay laughed, taking his seat across from her. "I must have missed you at breakfast." It had become an unspoken custom that whenever they had breakfast in the mess hall, they had it together. 

"I came in a bit earlier so I could get a more data on "Old Faithful" before I went on duty," Kathryn responded almost apologetically. "The clouds are really amazing just before dawn," she continued. 

Chakotay gave her a small smile and dropped his eyes down to his meal, suddenly not very hungry. He hadn't meant to sound like a jilted date - even if that was how he felt. Silence descended for several minutes. 

"Well," Kathryn breathed, gathering her instruments and tray. "I don't know about you, Commander. But, I'm going to call it a day." She even stifled a yawn. 

Chakotay smiled up at her. "Good night, Captain." 

*** 

The ship was quiet save for the steady thrum of the engines as Chakotay took the corridor to his quarters. He looked beyond toward the Captain's quarters and wondered if she was asleep, yet. Of course, she'd gone off to bed hours earlier, but he felt sure she was up to her neck in PADDs. 

His room was still and quiet as it had been when he'd left it earlier in the evening after changing out of the wet uniform. The thought of the uniform reminded him of viewing that tornado with Kathryn. She was right, there *was* something wild about it. But he attributed that more to her presence than the winds. The way she'd allowed herself to be *free* on the planet was intoxicating. It reminded him of things that he could not have. 

Because it was late and there was nothing he could do about his situation, he want to bed. Tomorrow would take care of itself. 

// ...a field of flowers bloomed on a hillside, beautiful, perfect. But no...something was wrong... they weren't perfect...no scent. Nothing. No warmth. Not real. 

... Tall sphere's reflected in reddened sunlight as dual red giants set. A lovely scene, full of life...but no...where were the people? There *was* no light. No warmth. Not real. 

...A girl dressed in blue stood laughing, happy...and she was running toward him. Joy bubbled up in his heart, but she was gone. An illusion...no warmth...no life....not real. 

...Kathryn stood smiling on a sandy shore, dressed in a flowing white dress...hair tossed by the wind. She began to whisper to him, but he could not understand. She then moved quietly toward him, reaching out to touch him. He wanted it. But her eyes were dead. There was no warmth. Was she real? He didn't care... Her body touched him...she was so cold// 

Chakotay's eyes snapped quickly open and he shot up in bed, bare chest heaving with the remnants of some elusive fright. Dark eyes cast around the room, desperate as if something were closing in on him. 

"Lights!" 

The room was suddenly illuminated, and everything was as he'd left it. Still a sense of unease remained to haunt him. He threw his feet over the edge of the bed and rubbed at his eyes, struggling to remember the dream. But try as he might, the memory remained out of reach. 

What was it his grandfather had told him? If he did not force it, the dream would come to him. He softly called for the computer to discontinue lights and relaxed back against the pillows. He gazed at the ceiling a moment, attempting to center himself before he allowed his eyes to drift shut. Within moments whispers infiltrated his thoughts, vague soft and indecipherable. 

Encouraged, he relaxed more deeply, drawing into himself, allowing the whispers to flow over him. They seemed to grow in strength, deepening, darkening, and then suddenly, inexplicably, they terrified him. He sat up and pushed the covers away. Sleep no longer seemed a welcome release. 

Dressed in loose pants and a tunic, he grabbed up his medicine bundle and headed toward the holodeck. Normally he meditated in his quarters, but tonight he felt quite stifled. The program he choose was that of a forest retreat. A noisy brook bubbled alongside a flat rock perfect for sitting. The scenery itself inspired peace. 

The cherished items of his bundle were now removed one by one. As his hand caressed the smooth stone the whispers again echoed softly through his mind. He went quickly to his feet, ready for combat. But there was no one there, and the holodeck birds continued to whistle a happy tune. 

Janeway looked across at her first officer once again. Dark circles had formed beneath his eyes and the quick smile hadn't made a single appearance all morning. "I'd always thought Neelix's attempts at hash browns weren't half bad," she offered. 

Chakotay looked up a bit distracted. "Sorry," he mumbled. "Headache." 

Kathryn frowned. This really wasn't like Chakotay. "Have you forgotten that this is the twenty-third (fourth?) century, Commander? There's no need to suffer with a headache. Why not go down to sickbay and let the Dr. Give you something for it?" 

Dark eyed rose again, irritation flashing through them, then suddenly they cleared. "All right, Kathryn. But only if you'll come with me." 

Kathryn was so surprised she nearly choked on a mouthful of this quadrants version of grits. (There really were so many incredible uses for Leola root.) She then looked at him a moment and decided to call his bluff. "All right, Commander. Let's go!" 

Chakotay merely grinned as she led him out of the mess hall toward the turbolift that would lead to sickbay. Once in the turbolift he began speaking again. 

"You know you have really beautiful hair," he surprised her again. His eyes seemed to caress each strand from across the turbo lift. When it appeared that his hand would follow, Kathryn smacked it away. 

"Chakotay what's come over you?!" she demanded. 

Her first officer seemed to draw back as if he were a child who'd been severely chastised. "I'm terribly sorry, Captain." The whole of him seemed to shrink into a corner. "I..," he winced before continuing, "I don't know what came over me." 

Kathryn stared at him a moment longer before moving to exit the now stopped turbolift. Just as she moved to step out, she felt arms grab her from behind. Before she could react, Commander Chakotay had spun her in his arms and pulled her to him for a crushing kiss... 

Kathryn's eyes widened in shock as she was immobilized against Chakotay's chest. She allowed her body to go limp as he plundered her mouth. If there was some semblance of *her* Chakotay within this man, he would stop at her lack of response. 

It didn't take long. She watched as his eyes opened to stare into her cold, angry ones. Something lost and pained seemed to flash in his. Then he put her away from him. 

"Commander, I don't know what you might have been thinking," she stated icily. "But, contrary to your obvious belief, I do not appreciate being mauled." 

"I'm...sorry," Chakotay blinked, turning physically away from her to stare at the wall. "I was mistaken. I thought... you..." He frowned, then suddenly as if coming to a decision, stepped past her and out of the turbolift. 

"Commander!" Janeway called after him. 

He stopped but didn't turn, only inclining his head over a shoulder in her direction. "Ma'am?" 

There was a moments pause and then she sighed. "This isn't the place to have this discussion. I'd like to see you in my ready room. I trust you will maintain a semblance of decorum?" 

Chakotay turned slowly and looked across at her. "Yes, Ma'am." 

"Good. My ready room in 1 hour. You should go on and get something for your headache." 

"In one hour," he agreed and watched her reenter the turbolift. 

* * * 

Janeway stepped through the sliding doors of Engineering, her eyes immediately falling on the object of her search. 

"How's the coupling coming?" she asked, automatically interpreting the metallurgical analysis being displayed on the monitor. 

B'Elanna glanced up and continued working. "It's programming has adapted quite well with the new supralineal matrix analyzer. The real problem is going to be the terminal link enhancers." 

"I'm sure you're more than up to the job," Janeway smiled. After a moment of silence she continued, "B'Elanna, have you noticed anything strange about Chakotay lately?" 

B'Elanna chuckled, "You mean aside from being moody?" 

"Moody?" Janeway prompted. 

B'Elanna looked at her as if she'd been missing the boat. "You mean you haven't noticed it?" 

Kathryn shook her head, worry increasing. "No. How long has this been going on?" 

B'Elanna frowned. "For several days now. You know, come to think of it, the only time he's been even remotely calm is around you. He's been having mood swings like you wouldn't believe. I'd chalked it up to those headaches he's been having. Do you think it's something more serious?" 

Janeway sighed and shook her head. "I don't know, but I'm going to find out." 

[ Meanwhile... ] 

Chakotay sat stiffly in his chair on the bridge, fuming over the morning's events. How dare she lead him on and then push him away! It irritated him to no end that she'd called him to her ready room as if he were some errant child. 

"Is there a problem, Commander?" Tuvok spoke from his console. The Vulcan's dispassionate eyes dropped to the level of the Chakotay's clenched hands. 

Chakotay, following his gaze, forcibly unclenched them, and returned his face toward the view screen. "No, Mr. Tuvok. There is no problem." 

Tuvok appeared to consider the matter, but then twitched an eyebrow and returned to work. 

Soon after, Chakotay stood, finding the room more stifling than his quarters. "You have the bridge, Mr. Tuvok." 

In the privacy of the turbolift, he allowed the fists again to clench. The slight whirring sound made by one of the lift's subsystems seemed to grate on his nerves, making his head throb even more. "Stop it!" he yelled. 

"Do you wish to 'hold'?" the computer's voice questioned politely. 

"No!" he ground out. "Just stop that *noise*!" 

"Please specify?" 

"That *whirring* sound!" 

"Unable to comply..." the computer began just as Chakotay drew back a fist and rammed it into the manual controls panel. There was a satisfying crack as one of the bones broke. Bits of shattered plasticized covering broke the skin in several places allowing blood to flow freely. 

The lights flickered and the lift rolled to a stop. 

When the doors opened, Chakotay stepped out to find himself on deck thirteen. The pounding in the back of his head warred now with the throbbing of his hand. To make matters worse, droplets of blood were now flowing from the wound. 

The feeling that someone was watching him returned. Glancing frantically along the corridor revealed nothing. Then something touched him on the neck. He spun, his undamaged hand going to the spot. There was no one there. 

Bothered, he turned quickly and headed for hydroponics. A young ensign eyed him strangely and left; the rumors of his bad mood of late had swept the ship. In her opinion, the Commander needed to see the doc and get a chill pill. 

Something seemed to draw him to the roses. All the aches seemed to change form as he gazed at them. He saw her face clearly, smiling warmly toward him. The sun shone in her glorious hair. 

He stooped and allowed the scent to wash over his senses. He loved her, and would forgive her anything. She was a part of him, in his system. He reached for one of the beautiful blooms, thinking of her...she who guided his life by day and his dreams by night. "Oh, Kathryn..." 

When he grasped the stem, one of the jagged little thorns stabbed his thumb. As a drop of blood welled up and fell to the ground, it was as if the thorn had pierced his heart. How could she hurt him like this? He sat on the ground in the midst of Kes's roses, curled his wounded hand against himself and let tears fall. 

Janeway sat quietly in her ready room, hands steeped, thinking over the information she'd gleaned from the crew. It would seem that Commander Chakotay had been acting strangely for the past 4 days. Why hadn't she seen it? Had she not been paying attention? Of course, those tornadoes on the planet *had* taken her interest for the past few days... but still... 

She sighed and glanced at her desk chrono. Chakotay was 10 minutes late. "Computer, located Commander Chakotay." 

"Commander Chakotay is in hydroponics." 

She moved a hand to call him, but her own link chirped. "Tuvok to Janeway." 

"Janeway here, what is it Tuvok?" 

"Captain, turbo lift 7 has been vandalized. Tricorder scans suggest that the damage was done by Commander Chakotay.." 

Janeway sat up straighter, startled. 

"He is presently in hydroponics," Tuvok continued. "Protocol dictates that you be notified that a security team is to be dispatched." 

"Thank you, Tuvok," Janeway said. "I'd like to have a word with him, first. Tell your men to wait outside." 

"Aye." 

* * * 

Janeway stepped into hydroponics, finding no sign of her first officer. Tuvok, bearing arms, followed, remaining at a distance as she continued further into the room. 

It didn't take long to find him. He sat among the roses, knees drawn up, moaning her name. She blinked, momentarily disconcerted. Then, gathering herself, stooped beside him. "Chakotay," she called softly. 

His head flew up. "Kathryn!" 

She looked into his eyes and saw misery and pain that tugged at her heart. His hair was in disarray, peppered through with bits of dirt and crushed petals. His face was damp with what appeared to be mud, sweat, and tears. She tried not to look shocked. 

"Chakotay, what's bothering you?" she asked softly. 

His eyes seemed to take in every inch of her face, as if memorizing it. They settled on her eyes. "I've given you my heart, my life, it all belongs to you. But you pushed me away," he accused softly. His tone reminded Kathryn of her cousin's young son when he didn't get his way. 

She frowned, her mind going back, unbidden, to his tale of the angry warrior on New Earth. She gathered her thoughts a moment before she spoke. "Chakotay, I'm the Captain of this ship, and as such I *must* maintain a certain level of decorum. You know all of these things." She fought to keep down her aggravation at his earlier behavior, and his present childishness. 

Chakotay nodded. "If that's true then you'd better stop doing those things you do. You make me think my feelings are returned." 

When Kathryn simply stared at him trying to formulate a reply, he continued. "I think you're just afraid, or not ready yet. Well, I won't wait for you anymore! I'm tired of waiting!" his voice began to rise. 

Having had enough, Janeway stood and looked down at him, arms crossed. "My feelings are not the issue here, Commander," she said reverting back to his title. "The issue is your insubordination and alleged vandalism of starfleet property. Would you care to tell me about the turbolift?" 

At her sharp words Chakotay came to his feet as well. Janeway gasped when she saw his bloodied hand, her eyes flying to where Tuvok stood behind several fruit trees. 

Chakotay catching the movement, spun. At seeing Tuvok, phaser in hand and ready, he turned back to the Captain, furious. 

Tuvok, interpreting his movements as threatening, called out, "Stop where you are, Commander or I shall be forced to fire." 

Chakotay's chest heaved in uncontrolled rage. "I can't *believe* you...!" he yelled taking a step closer. 

Tuvok fired. 

Janeway stood over her first officer as the doctor fussed near a console. The mud and leaves had been cleaned away from his face and hair. And 23rd century medical marvels had repaired the broken bones of his hand. 

The urge to reach out and touch him was strong, even in the face of the way he'd been acting of late. She always had the urge to touch him, she admitted to herself. She also had to admit that he'd been right, she *was* afraid of a relationship with him. 

"My analysis is complete, Captain," the doctor spoke, interrupting her thoughts. 

"Continue." 

"Commander Chakotay's neural peptide levels were unbalanced. I've injected him with medrocortizine, which should regulate his levels." 

"Unbalanced?" Janeway latched onto the word because it so aptly described the Commander's behavior. "What could have caused them to become unbalanced?" 

"I believe it is most possibly an after effect of being linked to the borg collective. It is difficult to be certain since we only have one example of a human who has unlinked from the collective. Perhaps Commander Chakotay's case was different because the borg consciousness unlinked from him. 

When that happened, it appears as if his levels returned to normal for a time, but then continued to decrease until they reached the level indicative of neurosis. In short, Commander Chakotay could not control his reactions." 

"Will he remember any of this when he awakens?" 

"He will most likely remember it vividly, a side effect of erratic levels is increased memory capacity." 

"Thank you, doctor," Kathryn frowned, saddened by the information. She remembered how upset Chakotay had been when he'd betrayed Voyager while under the influence of the borg collective and that Riley woman. Now here was yet another legacy of his ordeal. 

[EPILOGUE] 

Kathryn sat in quarters looking over PADDs containing various reports of shipboard operations, when her door chimed. 

"Come," she called, taking another sip of, now cold, coffee. She wasn't surprised to find Chakotay standing just inside the door. 

"Captain," he greeted her, entering as if he were walking on eggshells. Kathryn simply nodded in return. 

"I don't know what else to say, except, I'm sorry." 

"From the doctor's report, it's clear that you were not in control of your reactions..." Janeway almost chuckled at the sense of deja vu that swept her when she said those words. She continued, "there won't be any consequences for your actions, Commander." 

"I also want to apologize for the things I said to you," he continued. "I...there's no excuse for my behavior-" 

"Chakotay," Kathryn stopped him before he could continue, then stopped herself. In the waiting silence she moved toward the view port and gazed out. "You were right," she turned back toward him, raising her eyes to his. "I am afraid." She let those words settle before she continued. "I can't promise that some day I'll be ready, but-" 

This time it was Chakotay that cut her off. "Did I ever tell you the story of the angry warrior?" he smiled. 

Janeway returned it. "I seem to remember something like that." 

"Good," he grinned. "How about we discuss it over dinner..." 

~the End. Comments? Gripes? 

Story continued in "Letting Go" 


End file.
